Dear Jon

I am stumped. There really is a lot on my list to be held against you, but this is one thing that it looks like you are going in a different direction with. I think it is beyond stupid that we are still having a conversation about Guantanamo. I was not the one who made it a big deal to begin with. There is some difference with you to change your mind about it, but for me to actually get over it is easier said than done. Maybe it was just a violent manipulation you wanted to use to control me, or it was an instance where you couldn't control whatever reason of your anger and to join in on other's sexual abuse. I really don't know why you did that. It was an extreme measure to demonize me like that and try to make me feel like a freak or pervert or be mentally institutionalized. This isn't the only example where you want me to feel like a freak, but this is one major primary example that was made into a mountain from a large number of people.
I don't know your motive. There is some kind of significance in you backing down and quitting the abuse on your end, but it was still a serious, very serious offense.
You have unfairly criticized me of a number of things.
You've been a manpig for a long time.
You have subjected me to your other women over time and you're not the only man who is guilty.
I still don't know how truthful "death at a funeral" is and if you really had something with my dad going on? sick.
Jon, I know it is your free will to love whoever you want. It was just so extreme and disrespecting to hate on me the way you did. I'm not necessarily insinuating that you are coming on to me by making one act of peace. You had a funny Kurt Cobain joke earlier, but I couldn't help but be happy over the whole baby thing. I know you're not the real dad, but there was some humor in the night that was on his end.

So, my wall is still up. Changing one major offense where the past can't be changed just isn't enough for me. Even if you did have more wooing tactics, I just wouldn't want to have to experience so much extremism and controllingness. In addition, I'm not over it.

Dancing WIth The Stars Response

Appreciated Shares

Last night, I did watch a little bit of "Dancing with the Stars."
While I still say:
"Fuck you Dean Martin for singing you're nobody until somebody loves you" and living with one of my regular thoughts that I don't need a man to make me,
I appreciate what was said last night on Dancing with the Stars.
I'm assuming the character of Ralph Machio represented Sid and Dane and Karina Smirnoff represented me. I could be wrong but those are my best guesses.
While I remain shady and have a hard time believing anything from anyone, if my guesses are correct and the info being shared really is truthful, I want to say that it really does mean something to me.
To Sid: It means a lot. I still have my issues and the dust hasn't completely settled with me. I think it is nice to speak those words to me, but I still have issues and am not sold out on anything.
To Dane: It means a lot too. I get confused and have mixed emotions, but I appreciate it. If I'm guessing wrong, then simply nevermind. Again, I'm not sold out on anything but it means something.

Dear George

I want to start by saying that sometimes, you really do seem to be looking out for me and other people personally in your own paternal way. I think it is nice of you and can tell that is part of who you are and I'm not necessarily saying you should change yourself. I am an independet woman who can be very difficult to deal with. With you and other people, I have my limits in conversation.
I feel I need to talk more about the issue you brought up last night: The Rapture. Lately, with how I've been angry, I can see how people can jump to the conclusion about the rapture. That is only what it is: Jumping to a conclusion.
Yes, I have major issues with authority. I have major issues with what I'm expected to put up with. I have major issues with subjectivity and even though I feel I'm being subjected right now by being forcd to say something about this issue, I'd say it anyway. I have major issues with people I would describe as being chaotic, undeserving, wrongly entitled, wrong in so many ways.
I have issues George and even though I know you have your own paternal instincts and ways of being, I'm not asking you to fix and control my entire world and life. I've had problems with a number of people who keep trying to take more and more control.
I see this assumption of rapture scream as a mudsling for the motive of me to lose more control over myself where other people feel they should feel more entitled to have power. It is definitely bad target practice and I'm not really trying to encourage more target practice.
Personally George, I really don't like discussing religion with a lot of people. I was a very religious kid in high school, but I don't think it is fair to judge me in present day of who I was in high school.
I'm not ashamed to have issues with people, but when it comes to accuracy, there is no ground of debate. I'm not even trying to be in a black sheep fued with people. I can be judgemental but a holy war is not something I am seeking. If people want to be in charge and demand respect, they shouldn't have to be parented. Even then, I'll always have issues with my personal space and territory. People can put stuff together in their capitalist world all they want; I think it is wrong completely for capitalism to think it deserves to have so much control and power over people's lives. There should be more boundaries. There should be more battles against subjectivity and slave labor. There should be more freedom.

Dear Kanye

Dear Kanye,

I know recently you havn't really been so popular in the media. This letter will probably come off as provoking to many, but damn the consequences.
I really do not like to generalize or stereotype, but it is the stereotype that blacks are usually more real with themselves. I know I don't have a personal relationship with you.



But, with so many people, this is a song I really wish that they would be real with themselves. If anything, at least call me a cunt. Just admit that they don't like me and have a problem with me.
I really mean it. The predictability of people is that they will either beat you to the grave with arrogance or bullshit. People will bullshit, play games, and beat around the bush probably until their own death.
It is a part of what unfairness is.

The only question I can answer to the song is I'm poor. This means, I can't run away. I've been a vulnerable adult for awhile now living among so much scumbags and bullshitters. Sadly, other poor people feel the same way. I do sincerely consider myself more intelligent than a number of people but I seem to more often be underestimated and have to suffer for not what I did, but someone else's judgement. Of course I will be blamed for it. I have already called myself a scapegoat.
So the answer is, I will eventually run away when I get the money. I'll have to deal with the scumbags and bullshitters until then. I hope I will eventually find truly good friends and a lover.

Until then, this has remained my cry: