I'm seeing some feedback where I'm pretty sure I'm being talked to. Again, it is people from a distance who are atrangers but want to reach me for some reason. Random people talk to me all the time. I guess its one way to meet people, but that I probably will never see anyway.
The first article is about Bolivia found: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/06/world/americas/06bolivia.html?_r=1&src=twt&twt=nytimes
The writer is: Simon Romero and Andres Schipini. I don't know if they're connect to someone else I could know in the matrix or if they represent themselves. Anyway, the crisis in that country is racism. Most of the people are in poverty and I am assuming that there are probably a lot of subgroups that battle against each other in their poverty that are racist towards one another. The leader is "Evo" who I don't know the leader is in whatever particular area that he represents. What he is trying to change is racism. I don't know if he is pointing the finger at me with this. I don't feel guilty of any kind of racism. The type of people that I hate are specific people who I feel have wronged me and it has nothing to do with race. Other people I hate as a whole for constantly feeling like I'm ganged up against or because they try to be forceful and controlling of me and not respect my boundaries. It is character issues. In my eyes, it doesn't matter what race it is that does some of the things they do to me. It is the actual actions and things done that creates my hatred.
If I were to be more honest with myself, I could say that I have more issues with the more small town people. I feel very inadequately judged a lot of the time and that I have to suffer from their small-town-minded judgement. The only kind of negotiating they do is where you are on the knees and begging. Anything else in speaking with them, unless your on your knees and talking to them, there is something wrong with you. You're either considered: slow, retarded, rebellious (very religious minded and gung-ho when it comes to respecting authority or elders), psychologically fucked up, a criminal or something must be the matter with you for the fact that you don't have a submissive or inferior attitude or countenance. So if your asking me to just let myself be their doormat or punching bag, you can think again.
Any other hints of racism would be towards any culture that is in support of human trafficking or degradation to women. Just because it happens to me all the time does not mean that I am in support of it. I am not ashamed of myself or blame myself for it happening. It is not my fault or anything that I have control over. And yes, I have heard men many times say that I should be ashamed of myself or that I am ashamed of myself for that reason. Nope, I live in no shame and don't blame myself for the things that happen to me. I still have my confidence after all this time. Right now with my avoidance, it is not done out of shame but I am back in self preservation. I am not going to continue to be around and hang around people who hate on me with the degree of hate that they do.
Then there is Anderson Cooper, I feel he really hit the nail on the head with this one:
http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2009/12/06/50on50-dont-trust-the-royal-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-children/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fcnn_ac360blog+%28Blog%3A+AC360%29&utm_content=Twitter
I don't consider myself a child, but because I am in poverty and am basically powerless, I am a vulnerable person that could get ruined easily by corruption.
He doesn't give any names or direct it towards anyone but the organization itself, but I totally get the mouse-trap concept. It is creating an environment where it is impossible to say anything. Its a twisting, bending, and manipulating of things that try to frame you in a different character when it is actions taken in the actual environment are to blame. Sometimes, the best thing is silence, hoping to be found by intelligence and sound judgement to know why one acts the way they do. I feel so many times I am put into a position where the only option that is offered is begging. I always choose to withdraw. Of course the gun is pointed at me with the superiority complex, but if a person would accurately read and see other people they would understand that it is they who are the ones with the complex.
I totally get the mousetraps and all the other traps that I see all of the time. All it is is manipulation. I don't see it as reality or the truth at all. Just a tactic used to make one feel superior or try to beat someone else into a submissive attitude.
I wish he would have said names so he could be more obvious in his exposure of the witches.
I did say that yesterday to my teachers: Your real issue is that although my actions are submissive, my heart isn't. They want to force my heart and feelings in to having a respect or admiration for them. I see Maggie as being that way too. You can't force anyone to feel any way for you. It just doesn't work that way. I think my parents fall under this category along with tons of other people. I think it is a rapist heart to try to force or tell someone to have certain feelings that I just don't naturally have. Then they have the nerve to call you fake after they have already confessed the obvious truth.
One last article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/06/nyregion/06routine.html?src=twt&twt=nytimes
Again, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm not eating it though. I do not come in agreement that I match that. I think by the haircut, this is where they say Maggie and I are twins. I don't think I'm anything like Maggie and don't take it as a compliment at all.
To be judgemental: Like I said, I feel that I am forced and pushed into environments where I am forced to fight or die. It is not that I am out to judge or get people. I'd rather get along, but with circumstances and things being the way they are, it is not going to happen to get along and have peace with people. Because I'm complicated and have different chemistrys with different people, I could be nice at times. But when it comes to me being judgemental, it is normally out of defense, anger, or because some harassers just have to know why you don't like them. Even then, they won't leave you alone.
I'd say it is also a result of the system being foodstamped and barbied around. Not really actions that I would choose to do, but pictures of how someone else would see me.
As for being married to some Albert guy? Clueless on that one. He can call me "Lynn" too. See what happens when you don't questions yourself and roll with your own judgements and assumptions?: you live a lie. He's only an embarassment to himself to try to claim and be possessive of me when I am totally clueless and oblivious to him. So, I would encourage that people question themself more often, have a little humbleness, and not live a lie.
